Pet Hamster Zombie; a Short Commentary on the Longevity of Feeling Meh

Depressed
Shout out to the depressed
Just trying to get by.
Keeping eyes open
With regurgitated lies

I don’t feel happy
I’m not even that sad
I say I’m hopeful
So they don’t feel bad

It’ll be okay
If tomorrow ever comes
But I’ll still be struggling 
To believe in the dawn.

Hello, friends!

I thought I’d share a little ditty I wrote as 2020 was ending. Now that we are further down the road, I’d like to say I don’t feel like that anymore. But guess what?

Depression doesn’t just disappear because you are having a good day – or even a good year.

I can sit here, honestly proud of some things, happy about other things, and even excited about things to come – and still, if I let the façade drop … There it is.

Depression. Like an old friend, or old enemy, or old pet hamster zombie that expended all it’s energy digging out of its own grave and now just wants to sprawl on my favorite rug, grossing out my neighbors, frightening my family, and rotting the floorboards beneath.

Best not to think too hard about it.

I’m too busy being chipper to be depressed right now! Woot!

The medicine helps a lot, and a very supportive friend is amazing to have. And lately, I kind of forget sometimes that I’ve got this chronic void of natural inspiration to do things. But I’ve been thinking about it because if the depression is still there when I’m happy, maybe that means the happy is still there even when all I can “feel” is depressed. Like somewhere, buried beneath the not caring is a whole well of happy? I don’t know. It’s a neat thought.

My point is, it’s ok to relax, to rest, to even wallow. But after a while, remember to get up, put on some pants, and give your best impression of a zombie hamster with a mission – even if it is only to freak out your neighbors. Because we are all more than one thing at a time.

Today, I am happily sweeping my metal detector around this cloud, looking for the silver lining. Does silver even set off a metal detector? M’eh, who cares? Think I’ll go make some peach tea. Because I like peach tea, and I actually have some. See? Life is great!

May you and your coping mechanisms have a fabulous day! Because life is too hard to spend whatever energy you have doing anything but making it better.