Close Your Eyes

If I thought my death might be a trigger

To end some peace that you hold dear,

Or that the world would stop spinning

If I left you alone here,

I might stay with you and forget

The hollow feeling inside,

But the waters unrelenting.

The truth won’t be denied.

---

I remember that day clearly,

Every second ticking by,

The realization in the face of it,

That I’m not afraid to die.

So close your eyes against the darkness,

You can still block out the sight.

But the water’s quickly rising

And I don’t want to fight.

---

At first, oh, I was frightened.

The panic took its grip.

I was trapped as rising waters

Lapped cool against my hips.

I struggled for my freedom.

I found my voice and yelled,

But no one heard my screams.

No one was going to try to help.

---

Years ago, I knew, you knew,

Though you would not admit,

That I didn’t really care

About life… any of it.

But you like to think I healed,

You like to think that you helped,

I lied when I told you all

How much better I felt.

---

As the water rises higher,

Pushing, pulling at my waist,

My mind wanders backward

To those more honest days,

When I could sit in silence,

And didn’t lie with a smile,

Didn’t feel the need to fit

In society’s design.

---

I know I should battle against

The fate the sea has set.

I’ve never been a quitter,

So I’ll try to just forget.

The waters rising faster,

The waves splashing my chest,

But I think how nice it’d be

If I could only rest.

---

Yes, I remember that day clearly,

Every second floating by,

The realization in the face of it,

That I’m not afraid to die.

Close your eyes against the darkness.

You can still remember light.

But I’m tired of living

And the waters at waist height.

---

If you knew the truth you ask for,

You would hold your head and scream.

It’s all a lie, there is no point,

You can look but you’ll never see.

There’s less to life than working,

No matter the reward.

Life is just a passing phase,

Death is just a door.

---

The water’s flow is strong now,

And fate is never meek.

Avoidance may cause delay,

But denial makes us weak.

I’ve done my best to protect you

From the world you don’t accept,

I wonder what it’d be like

If someone cared for me like that.

---

I remember how you told me

I had so much to live for.

You said that I was happy.

You said that I was adored.

I learned to smile with my eyes,

And laugh when others did.

I memorized emotions

And mirrored other kids.

---

I saw you stop your worry,

Thinking I’d grown out of pain.

But deep inside you must have known

Life’s never been that way.

Now my soul is not a comfort

Meant for you to enslave.

And my own empty bottle

Should be no one else’s grave.

---

I remember that day clearly,

Every moment drifting by,

The realization in the face of it,

That I’m not afraid to die.

Don’t think that I blame you,

And don’t think I was a saint.

Don’t make me a martyr just

Because the ocean won the day.

---

Waves are crashing higher

And I return to the fight.

I never have liked losing

So I pull with all my might.

I stretch to keep on breathing

Through my mouth, then just my nose.

I hold my breath when waters high,

And take deep breaths when its low.

---

The sky is getting darker,

Light no longer filters in,

My lids are getting heavy

So I might as well give in.

Foreign saline burns my eyes

But it’s clearer here below.

Safe beneath the surface,

I see eternity’s flow.

---

So I’ll stop this awkward struggle

And let the peace fall in its stead.

It’s not that I’m done living,

It’s just I’m already dead.

My life will be a mountain,

My soul, a stack of hay.

There might have been another path,

But there was never another way.

---

My limbs fall heavy until they

No longer feel like mine.

My body feels enlightened.

The sea and I, pulsing in time.

Close your eyes with me as I

Finally find my way home.

This world was never welcoming,

Just skin over brittle bone.

---

See, I remember that day clearly,

Every moment floating by,

The realization in the face of it,

That I’m not afraid to die.

The end is coming nearer now,

I don’t mean to cause you grief.

You can cry if you want to,

And I can finally rest in peace.

---

Water rushes past my ears,

A morbid lullaby.

I think I must be fading;

A ghostly light is the final lie.

I’m floating or I’m flying,

I think I must have wings.

I’m released from the torment

Of never feeling anything.

---

I remember that day clearly,

Each moment floating by,

The realization in the face of it,

That I’m not afraid to die.

And though I felt the sandy shore

Press its heat against my skin,

I’ll never forget the peace of death;

Never stop wanting it to win.

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